June 26 - Southgate’s Spot-Kick Sorrow

“Soccer is a game for 22 people that run around, play the ball, and one referee who makes a slew of mistakes, and in the end Germany always wins.” Gary Lineker.

Too true Gary. And there aren’t many more nations that know that better than England. Today in 1996 England fans were suffering another semi-final defeat on penalties to Germany, as The Three Lions were sent crashing out of Euro 96 in their own backyard.

We’ve already brought you the story of El Tel’s men defeating Scotland and Holland, as England charged to the knockout stages where they ended their penalty hoodoo against Spain. This meant the both the media and the flag-waving public were convinced that destiny was calling and the ‘30 years of hurt’ that Baddiel and Skinner sung of would be over.

For those of you that are too young or had blocked the whole event out of your memory, the country almost ground to a standstill in the run-up to the game, with hype levels higher than ever. The tabloid press whipped themselves into a frenzy, with the Daily Mirror pushing the boundaries of acceptable headlines when they declared ‘football war’ on the Germans, showing Stuart Pearce in a tin hat and bellowing: “Achtung! Surrender! For You Fritz, ze Euro 96 Championship is over!”

Gazza’s mate Chris Evans also got in on the act, starting a campaign on his Radio 1 breakfast show to have England play in a 1966-esque red shirts instead of their grey away kit they had been drawn with, citing the attire in the ‘66 final as an omen.

In the end the lads turned out in grey that night but they couldn’t have asked for a better start when Alan Shearer headed his fifth goal of the tournament in the third minute. However, in the 16th minute English fans were shouting ‘Kuntz’ as everyone favourite German striker, forename Stefan, bagged an equalizer.

For the rest of the 90 minutes both sides toiled, with Germany having the better chances, but the two old rivals couldn’t be separated. Extra-time beckoned, and with this came the sudden-death ‘golden goal’, which was making it’s debut in a major international tournament.

With England sensing victory, the game exploded into life, providing one of the most frantic extra-time periods the old Wembley Stadium had ever seen. Darren Anderton hit the post and Gazza came within inches of poking the ball home to secure a famous win, but instead it went down to what every Englishman dreaded - penalties.

Remarkably England went into the shoot-out with more experience than the Germans, as none of their side had been thrown into the pressure cooker atmosphere of a penalty shoot-out before, but we all know what happened next.

England somehow managed to score their first five spot-kicks, before Gareth Southgate had the guts to step up and take the first sudden death kick. He had only taken one penalty in his career, hitting the post and although this effort was on target it was a poor penalty and Andreas Kopke saved easily. Next up was Andreas Moller who scored and did what can only be described as a really annoying celebration.

Germany went on to lift the European Championship, beating the Czech Republic in the final thanks to Oliver Bierhoff’s golden goal. Southgate meanwhile got a gig advertising pizza with 1990 penalty bottlers Chris Waddle and Stuart Pearce.

If you’re English and you can bear it, or if you’re not and fancy a laugh, see the whole sorry affair below and head back tomorrow as we try and put England’s useless performances behind us.

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