Film Reviews

AS the beautiful game’s influence lords over popular culture like Big Dunc looking down on a whimpering burglar, we thought we’d go all Barry Norman on you and have a look at a hat-trick of recent football movies. No longer a minority interest, movies such as the Goal! trilogy and Bend It Like Beckham have been box office hits over the last few years and have proved that you don’t have to stick Sylvester Stallone in goal to make a successful football film. Join OTFD at the movies as we look at some of the more interesting footy movies from the last couple of years.

Once in a Lifetime

Released in the summer of 2006, this excellent documentary explores the bombastic North American Soccer League in the late ’70s and early ’80s, when the America first flirted with the idea of taking football seriously. The New York Cosmos showed Real Madrid what a galactico project was as they brought the likes of Pele, Giorgio Chinaglia, Franz Beckenbauer and Carlos Alberto stateside. Mix all these egos with some American showbiz marketing men and a bit of ’70’s New York style and you’ve got a rollercoaster ride unlike anything the world of football has seen before or since.

The makers have done an excellent job bringing the league to life, despite not being able to call on the two main stars of the show, as league founder Steve Ross now resides in the big football stadium in the sky and Pele didn’t have enough money thrown his way. Almost every other key figure from the period is involved however, with former stars of the league, such as Franz Beckenbauer and Carlos Alberto recounting their days in the NASL with genuine affection.

Most entertaining of all is the gossipy former Lazio and Swansea striker Chinaglia, who doesn’t pull any punches when talking about his relationship with Pele, who he clearly didn’t get on with. Looking at times like an extra from The Sopranos, he has many amusing anecdotes, such is the one where he reduced the world’s greatest ever player to tears in the dressing room following one of their numerous rows.

Other tales of the razzamatazz of Studio 54, popstars, groupies and boozing all make you wish you were part of the scene, as the film rattles along at a fair pace, exploring the rise and fall of the NASL, summarising that over-zealous expansion and the dilution of quality players was largely to blame for it’s downfall.

A little more match footage wouldn’t have gone amiss though, as the real football fans in the audience would drool over the thought of Pele, Beckenbauer and the like on the same team.

With the help of a cracking soundtrack and Matt Dillon’s laconic narration, Once in a Lifetime is certainly a more entertaining way to spend 90 minutes than watching Wigan versus Fulham in the rain, so check it out.

Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait

The Real Madrid side of the early 2000’s is probably as close as anyone’s come to recreating the iconic Cosmos, so it’s fitting that the Bernabeu is the next stop on our cinematic voyage. The concept behind Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait is a barnstormingly simple one - put 17 synchronised cameras on the planet’s greatest footballer for ninety minutes and see what happens. Shot by two video installation artists, Philippe Parreno and Douglas Gordon, we take in the 90 minutes of Real Madrid’s La Liga clash with Villarreal in April 2005, with camera’s solely focused on Zizou.

It’s not the first time this has been tried, as German director Hellmuth Costard tried a similar, albeit more lo-fi version, with his 1971 film Football Like Never Before, when he stalked George Best around the field for 90 minutes against Coventry.

To some, this may sound dull and for 99% of the players in the world it probably would be - luckily no-one’s pitching a around a sequel centring around Robbie Savage. Fortunately, Zidane is one of the most graceful footballers to ever play the game, so watching him jog around, pull up his socks, spit and occasionally get the ball is far more compulsive than it sounds. The titular ‘Portrait’ that the film-makers are trying to get across really shines through, as you see a master at work, with an intense, brooding concentration that’s fit for the big screen.

Interlinked with television footage of the game and with the Cantona-esque musings of Zindane on memory, childhood and the game of life appearing as subtitles on our screen, we see the balding genius showing off some of his legendary ball-control as he sets up a goal for fellow galactico Ronaldo. The film ends as we see the other side of his character when he gets involved in an on-field brawl and receives a red card, not for the first, or famously last time in his career. Like Zidane’s career as a whole, it’s an apt ending, showing the fine line between genius and madness that so many gifted footballers have walked.

After a while of watching this beautifully shot and technically brilliant film it’s easy to get drawn in, as it has a hypnotic quality. A stunning soundtrack from excellent Scottish post-rock band Mogwai fits the mood perfectly.

Although it may not be to everyone’s tastes (not a great date movie I’d imagine guys), Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait is a thing of beauty for football connoisseurs and movie-buffs alike.

In The Hands of The Gods

This true story of five young British freestyle footballers is a million miles away from the glory of the Bernabeu of the hype of the NASL. Sharing a common dream of meeting their hero Diego Maradona the group busk their way across the Atlantic and down into South America by showing off their impressive keepy-uppy skills as they hit the road with no funding or sponsorship.

Charting the quintets’ highs and lows, where they are often sleeping rough or going hungry, the under-stated style of the film succeeds in getting past their blokey-banter and false-bravado as the group are refreshingly honest with each other, leaving you as the viewer routing for them to make it down to Buenos Aries and shake that famous hand.

The group is extremely diverse, with a typical cheeky scouser, evangelical Christian and refugee from Somalia who has lead of life of crime since being rejected by his mother among their number. They’ve all got a story to tell and a different reason for being there. And there’s a couple of very daft contemporary haircuts in there too for added comic value.

The lads bond together through their shared ambition, but at it’s core this film is less about football and more a road movie about personal sacrifice and what it means to follow your dream. At times it gets a bit too reality TV for it’s own good, as tantrums, egos, tears and group hugs take centre stage, but it would take someone with a heart of steel not to be moved by the final scenes. As far as British football films go though, it certainly beats the likes of There’s Only One Jimmy Grimble and When Saturday Comes.

Podcast Reviews

Here’s a snippet of the BBC’s commentary from the FA Cup quarter-final between Middlesbrough and Cardiff:

Jonathan Pearce: “Can you place your finger on why there’s been so many FA Cup shocks this season, Mark?”
Lawrenson: “No.”
Pearce: “Thank you.”

Christ. How much does the TV license cost again? With the major TV networks appearing to have giving up on in-depth discussion and analysis of the beautiful game, it’s a good job we’re living in the digital age because fear not, there’s some good stuff out there. A couple of years ago the podcast became the latest buzz-word to be dreamt up by some IT boffins and thanks largely to Ricky Gervais’ successful foray into the medium, it’s only your Grandma and local ludite that hasn’t heard of them. Being the world’s most popular form of entertainment, football podcasts are in abundance so we thought we’d bring you a round up of our favourites in a piece we won’t title ‘Top of the Pods.’

Football Weekly from guardian.co.uk

Hosted by former Football Italia anchor James Richardson, the Guardian’s offering is, for our money, the best around. A quirky mixture of banter, opinionated chat and reports from across Europe, all up to the Guardian’s usual high-standard make the twice-weekly Football Weekly our first podcasting stop.

The revolving team of regular guests offer their two cents’ worth and also share stories like the time Peter Crouch went into a takeaway demanding free nachos before offering a running third-person commentary and on his meal (’Crouchy’s having his nachos!”), and the fact that pod regular Barney Ronay once met Dennis Wise’s plumber who revealed that he has gold taps in all six of his bathrooms.

Ringing in from Madrid every week, Spanish correspondent Sid Lowe brings an always excellent summary of the goings-on in La Liga, with Serie A and the Bundesliga also superbly covered. Our only real criticism is the lack of lower-league coverage, but it seems as though if you nag them enough on their lively comment page then they do take notice.

Richardson’s laid-back style is at odds to the straight-men of other pods, and it’s a mystery why the man hasn’t been snapped up by one of the major broadcasters (with apologies to Setanta). He also hasn’t lost his ability to spin a pun, describing Brian McBride as “the best header from America since Monica Lewinsky” recently.

If it was a member of the England 1990 World Cup Squad it would be: Paul Gascoigne - always entertaining, but there’s a danger he’ll turn up pissed.

The Game from The Times

Doing battle with Football Weekly at the top of the podcast charts is The Game from The Times. Fronted by the pair of respected journalists Gabrielle Marcotti and Guillem Balague, it ditches the free-flowing style of the Guardian for more grown-up journalistic fare. At worst this can mean it sounds scripted and forced, but usually the combative Marcotti succeeds in sparking up debate with whichever special guest they have got in. The calibre of it’s guests is what sets it apart from other pods, with Steve McClaren, David Moyes, Luca Vialli and Frank Lampard all appearing recently. Marcotti and Balague even managed to get Lampard talking a great deal of sense, which coming from a fully-paid up member of the anti-Lampard club is hard to admit. By covering more than just the obvious issues, The Game will certainly give you food for thought on your daily commute (or hanging from monkey bars if that’s where you prefer to listen - ah, the beauty of the technology).

If it was a member of the England 1990 World Cup Squad it would be: Terry Butcher - authoritative and always up for a fight.

World Football from the BBC

Although we were quick to diss the Beeb earlier, if you go looking hard enough you’ll find their excellentpair of World Football podcasts. Originally broadcast on 5Live and the World Service, the BBC’s team of reporters send in dispatches from all over the world on issues such as African television right disputes, international youth transfer regulations or even grass-roots football here in England. If you’ve only ever heard Alan Green getting over-excited on the commentary box or slagging off Fergie, then his reports come as a pleasant surprise.

Better still is the World Football Phone-In, a show for security guards and insomniacs that goes out in the wee hours of the morning. Presented by Dotun Adebayo and featuring, among others, the BBC’s authority on South American football, Tim Vickery, it covers football from every corner of the globe. Genuinely informative, it has a free-wheeling chatty style, offering the listener nuggets such as the fact that the game is slower in South America because they let the grass grow longer, and that the price of a goat in Somalia £15. Being a late-night phone-in you do get the occasional nutter who wants to let the world know that he can now do an impression of Carlton Palmer reading out Belgian football results, but it all adds to the fun. Being the BBC it’s professionally done and if you can listen to the 40-minute show without learning anything we’d be surprised.

If it was a member of the England 1990 World Cup Squad it would be: John Barnes - David Platt: classy, not afraid to try it’s luck abroad.

The Best of the Rest

There are of course hundreds of other podcasts out there and most of them are very average to say the least. Similar to blogging, any idiot with a mic can make a podcast, so on the whole it’s best to stick with the professional offerings from the likes of those above. Saying that, there’s a few diamonds in the rough; EPL Talk’s ‘Best Of…” pod brings in heavyweight guests for weighty, objective discussion, TheOffside.com’s weekly podcast brings the listener a bit of everything and we’d also like to give a shout out the now-defunct Beautiful Game, which was as good as anything we’ve heard outside of the major broadcasters.

If you disagree or can recommend any other podcasts then let us know. You never know, if we figure out how to plug a mic in to our computers here we might belatedly jump on the podcasting bandwagon ourselves, so keep an eye out for that.