January 11 – Life’s A Beach

AS many readers will be able to testify, England in January is not the nicest place to be. Rain, wind or snow, we get it all and once those post Christmas blues kick in we all want to be dossing on the beach somewhere. Perhaps this is what was going through Chelsea’s heads today in 2003, as the Stamford Bridge pitch got them into a spot of bother when they played Charlton. We say ‘pitch’, but that doesn’t come close to the playing surface, which looked more like the Copacabana beach, as it was covered in sand, with not a blade of grass in sight.

Charlton made the trip across the capital with an unbeaten record in the Premiership, as Alan Curbishley was making believers out of the Addicks fans, but at the end of the day they’d have been better off making sandcastles, as Chelsea cruised to a 4-1 win.

It took only three minutes for question marks to be asked about the pitch as Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink won a penalty after appearing to slip on the sand following minimal contact from Charlton defender Chris Powell. Things got no better for Charlton as the ball ballooned around the pitch like a Freddie Flintoff bouncer, leaving Curbs very unenthused. “It reminded me of a piece of land about to have a patio laid on it, ” he moaned as his chief executive Peter Varney took the battle to the Premier League and demanded that the game was replayed on something that resembled a football pitch.

Unfortunately for the Addicks they didn’t get their wish, despite the Premier League admitting that Chelsea had broken the rules. A fine of £5,000 plus costs was the punishment that the West-Londoners had to face. Not ones to lose their sense of humour, Charlton played the Tom Jones song ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home’ at their next home game, if purely just to wind up Chelsea chairman Ken Bates.

Immediately after the game Chelsea sent in the diggers to tear up their sandbox and avoid anymore bother from the FA. To cheer up all those Charlton fans who are wondering where it all went wrong, we’ve got some footage from Stamford Bridge that’ll make you smile. Like a Newcastle fan chanting ‘Sheeerar, Sheeerar’, we never stop here at OTFD, so make sure you’re back here tomorrow when we look at one of Ulrika Johnson’s exes – but that doesn’t really narrow it down though does it?

January 10 – Cole’s on the Ball

USUALLY here at OTFD we provide you with a (hopefully) fairly interesting but ultimately fairly useless snippet of history from football’s rich and varied past . . . and today is no different.

Today’s subject can these now be found on the left wing of Avram Grant’s Chelsea team at Stamford Bridge, but on this day in 1999 young Joey Cole was making his Premier League debut for West Ham United.

Back then the Irons were managed by Harry Redknapp who was at the time bringing through the most talented crop of youngsters to be seen at one club at the same time since Alex Ferguson’s ‘kids’ won the title in 1996.

Apart from Cole, Frank Lampard, Rio Ferdinand, Jermaine Defore and Michael Carrick were all beginning their careers at the academy of football that is the Boleyn Ground.

Of all these players Joe Cole was certainly the most exciting and the Romford-born youngster had already received national media attention as a star of the future.

Wise old Harry Redknapp no doubt gave a considerable amount of thought as to when Cole might be ready for his first outing of top-flight football – wary of the occasion being too much for him and denting his confidence.

Away to Manchester United at Old Trafford it was then (Harry was probably too busy boning up on the Racing Post or scouting an eastern-European no-hoper to give it that much thought).

As if young Joe wasn’t nervous enough about making his big and eagerly anticipated debut, events were to conspire to make him wait that little bit longer for it when a floodlight failure at Old Trafford delayed kick-off by 45 minutes.

Eventually someone managed to borrow a fuse from somewhere and the floodlights came back on, and 17-year-old Joe jogged out on to the pitch.

Good as he is, he ain’t that good and Cole was unable to prevent United from spanking the Hammers 4-1.

After Harry was eventually told to do one daan the old frog and toad by the West Ham board and serial underachiever Glen Roeder given the Hammer’s hot seat, Joe Cole, by then 21, was made captain and told to bloody well make sure they didn’t get relegated.

Unfortunately that was the one thing that did happen and Joe was soon packing his satchel and heading across London to the Kings Road to make his fortune.

Now of course the Irons are back in the prem, and Joe has since picked up lots of medals with Chelsea and finally solved England’s left sided problem.

Here is the little cockney scamp strutting his stuff and showing why he was the Three Lions best player at the 2006 World Cup.

January 9 – Gooaaal Lazio!

HALF of Rome will be celebrating today as they wish Buon Compleanno! (that’s happy birthday for those of you yet to master Italian) to Lazio who were formed today in 1900, when their nine founding fathers set about creating what their fans proudly boast to be ‘the first team of the capital.’

As one of the more organised clubs in Italy they were on the ball from the off, playing in the early Italian Football Championship until Serie A was established in 1929. It was around this time that they were joined on the block by their bitter rivals, AS Roma. In a wild-west style, the Fascist regime in charge of Italy declared that Rome wasn’t big enough for the two of them and tried to merge the clubs, but plucky Lazio stuck it to the man, and held on to their independence.

This lead to one of the biggest derby days in world football, known in Italy as Derby della Capitale. Expect flares, fights and even the odd Fascist salute if a certain Paulo Di Canio’s playing.

Although the Lazio faithful had to wait until 1973 for their first Serie A title they’ve had plenty to shout about over the years. The likes of Giorgio Chinaglia, Paul Gascoigne, Sinisa Mihajlovic, Alesandro Nesta, Pavel Nedved, Christian Vieri and Hernan Crespo have graced the Stadio Olimpico pitch and Dino Zoff, Sven Goran Eriksson and Roberto Mancini have all called the shots from the dugout.

English football fans of a certain age will always have a place in their hearts for Lazio. Back in the early 1990s we were all sat around in our shellsuits watching James Richardson eating pastries and reading the Gazzetta dello Sport on Channel 4 while Gazza strutted his stuff for the Biancocelesti. Happy days.

It’s not just football that SS Lazio get involved with, as they take part in a total of thirty-seven sports, more than any sports association in Europe. Gold star to anyone who can actually name thirty-seven sports.

We’ll leave all you Lazio fans with a derby win-shaped birthday clip, with textbook mental Italian commentary included and make sure you come back tomorrow for a player who’s silky skills could see him match it with the best in Serie A.

January 8 – Big Dunc vs The Burglar

EVER wondered where the phrase ‘thick as thieves’ comes from? Excuse our short-termism, but perhaps it’s been inspired by the events of today in 2003, when a scouse heroin-addict decided that burgling Duncan Ferguson’s house was a good idea.

How wrong he was. Merseyside has been host to a spate of footy-related burglaries in recent times, but let’s face it, if there’s one player you don’t want to mess with, it’s 6ft 4in Big Dunc. He’s a big lad, and remains the only player to serve jail time for an on-the-pitch offence, when his head-butt on Raith defender John McStay in 1994 saw him spend 3 months at Her Majesties Pleasure in Barlinie prison.

So what on earth was going through Carl Bishop’s head when he broke into Ferguson’s storage house in Formby, Merseyside? Probably the heroin and cocaine he’d been filling his boots with, said the Liverpool Crown Court when they sentenced him to four years in prison. Apparently they’re awfully more-ish.

“Mr Ferguson was very frightened” claimed his lawyer, but you can’t fool us. When the slightly-built scallywag went at Ferguson with a vodka bottle Big Dunc was having none of it, punching him in the face and grappling him to the floor. Bishop was described as ‘bruised and battered’, as justice was dished out to him Big Dunc-style. He then tried to go all Tony Martin on us, playing the victim and accusing Ferguson of assault, but this was dismissed by the police.

All this came two years after a similar incident in which two men broke into Ferguson’s house, with the vigilante approach again being successfully deployed by Big Dunc, as he held one of the two burglars until the police arrived. You’d have thought that the three-day spell in hospital that the offender endured would’ve put off any would-be criminals, but not in Carl Bishop’s case. Unfortunately we don’t have any footage of Ferguson bashing the Bishop (sorry, couldn’t resist that one), but we bet he didn’t fair much better than Paul Ince in this typically fiery Merseyside derby. We’re going all continental on you tomorrow, so until then it’s arrivederci from us.

January 7 – Cherries Down the Devils

AFTER the heroics from Wrexham in beating Arsenal that we featured last week we have some more good old-fashioned FA Cup third round giant killing action for you today.

Not to be outdone by their London rivals it was on this day in 1984 that Manchester United proved they were just as capable as the Gunners to suffer a humiliating defeat when they lost 2-0 to Bournemouth at Dean Court.

United under Ron Atkinson were the current holders of the Cup and riding high in the first division having only lost one away game all season, while Bournemouth were at the wrong end of the third division and struggling with manager Harry Redknapp three months in to his first job as a boss.

The Red Devils team on the day included big names such as Frank Stapleton, Bryan Robson, Arnold Muhren and Norman Whiteside but crucially they were missing Gordon McQueen and Kevin Moran from their defence.

Meanwhile the Cherries side had less well known players like Milton Graham, Ian Leigh and Ian Thompson who were to become south coast heroes that day.

In a turgid first half neither side had created much and ‘Arry the Artful Dodger must have sensed blood as United were clearly having an off day.

With an hour played Milton Graham profited after Gary Baily in the United goal had fumbled a cross and Bournemouth had the opener.

Just as the shell-shocked Man U players were trying to regain their composure Ian Thompson scored the second for the Cherries which was enough to give them a 2-0 win over their illustrious opponents.

Bournemouth supporters were so high on adrenalin that rioting broke out on the terraces and with a minute left on the clock the tie had to be halted as there were fans on the pitch. They clearly thought it was all over, and a minute later it was when the ref blew the final whistle and the holders had been knocked out at the first hurdle.

“Forget any of the nightclubs,” said Cherries defender Everald La Ronde, “I remember that dressing room was the noisiest place in Bournemouth afterwards. The champagne was out and we were all in the bath together shouting and singing. It was a great atmosphere.”

In a massive snub to Mrs Redknapp and their wedding day, ‘appy ‘Arry said it was by far the greatest day in his life as his players soaked him in champers.

Here is the most overused clip of Harry that we have featured on OTFD, so one more time won’t hurt, and come back tomorrow to find out about the unluckiest house burglars in the world.

January 6 – Sling Your Butcher’s Hook

WHEN will club chairmen learn that being a good player, or even a good team captain does not mean someone is going to be a good manager?

Well, never it would seem. Alan Shearer may well turn out to be the best manager Newcastle and England ever have, but I just can’t see it. Ok so Roy Keane is having a pretty decent bash at it at Sunderland but there have been plenty of very good players who have gone on to become distinctly average gaffers – for example, how the hell does Bryan Robson keep getting jobs?!

On this day in 1992 the Coventry board realised they had perhaps overestimated the management abilities of England’s lionhearted former captain Terry Butcher when they told him to sling his managerial hook.

Butcher was relying on that old scam of playing most of an England match with a head wound and blood-soaked shirt and then living off that for the rest of his career, but even that couldn’t save him from the chop as Sky Blues boss.

He had arrived at Highfield Road in November 1990 as player-manager after leaving Glasgow Rangers where he had enjoyed much success.

At 31 he was the youngest manager in the top division, and the youngest gaffer Coventry had ever had.

His first season started a bit shakily but some good signings ensured the side were safe from the dreaded drop before another season of struggle at the wrong end of the league set the tone for Butcher’s regime.

A bad month through December was compounded by a home draw with lowly Cambridge in the cup and Butcher was shown the door, and then told to get the hell out of it.

After leaving the midlands Terry headed up to Sunderland where he was in charge for less than a year before getting the boot, before he seemed to have learned from his mistakes and made a good go of things at Scottish side Motherwell.

Sadly he just didn’t seem to know when he was on to a good thing and he jacked in the Motherwell job for the sunnier climes of Sydney FC… where he lasted about seven months before being given his marching orders yet again.

After his Australian adventure he has managed to notch up another sacking at the hands of League One side Brentford and is now without a club.

He once said: “The beauty of Cup football is that Jack always has a chance of beating Goliath.” With a heavyweight intellect like that behind him we are at a loss as to why he hasn’t become the English Mourinho but then what do we know.

Here is Australian football pundit Les Murray putting messers Lineker, Hansen, Lawrenson and especially Shearer to shame by having an opinion and not being afraid to air it. Safe to say Terry doesn’t fair too well…

January 5 – KK Doesn’t Love It

HE saved them from the third flight of English football, bought the Toon Army’s biggest hero since Wor Jackie back to town and he’d have loved it if they’d beaten Manchester United to the title in 95/96, but today in 1997 he decided he’d had enough, and Kevin Keegan walked out on Newcastle United.

Back in February 1992 St James’ Park was not a happy place. Ossie Ardiles was sacked after guiding Newcastle to the depths of Division 2, and the team filled with youngsters looked as though they were heading for a catastrophic relegation. In walked the ‘Geordie Messiah’ from the golf courses of Spain and thanks to some last-day heroics against Leicester City they beat the drop.

Keegan then bought some of the best football Newcastle had seen for decades. In 1993 their attacking brand of football powered them into the Premiership, finishing third in their first season back in the big time, as the old ‘score one more than you’ tactic worked a treat. For once a Newcastle manager had the backing of the home crowd and, not that they were getting carried away or anything, the board handed Keegan a ten-year contact. Imagine that Big Sam.

The 1995/96 season was to be Keegan’s most explosive at the club. When Keegan wasn’t filming Sugar Puff adverts or blowing his top off in front of the Sky Sports cameras, his team dubbed ‘the Entertainers’ found themselves at one point top of the Premiership by 12 points and dreaming of their first title since the twenties.

Alas, it wasn’t to be, as the title ended up back at Old Trafford. To soften the blow Keegan went out and broke the world transfer record, bringing in another Geordie hero, Alan Shearer, fresh from his Euro ’96 scoring spree. However, rumours were circulating that Keegan wasn’t happy and had handed in his resignation before the start of the 1996/97 season. Sir John Hall convinced him to stay, but even a 7-1 win over Spurs couldn’t shake him of his January blues and he threw in the towel. At least he didn’t do it in the toilets though, for that was all to come in the future.

Every manager since then has had to live up to Keegan’s rollercoaster football, with the Toon Army showing little patience or mercy, just ask the likes of Kenny Dalglish, Ruud Gullit, Graeme Souness, Glenn Roeder and Big Sam. We’ll leave you with footage from a textbook Keegan-era Newcastle thriller and come back tomorrow for more managerial moving and shaking.

January 4 – Wrexham Outgun Arsenal

EVERYONE loves the FA Cup third round, it is when the big guns of the top two divisions in England join the fray and the minnows from the lower regions of the football pyramid hope for a glamour tie with one of the Premier League sides.

Every year there are always a few David and Goliath match ups and every year the BBC sends its cameras to the far flung grounds of Harrogate Railway or Forest Green Rovers in the hope of seeing Manchester United or Chelsea slip up and get beaten by their part-time equivalents.

John Motson seems to love these games more than anyone else on earth and bleats on and on about: “This is the magic of the Cup,” and: “this is what it’s all about,” throughout his whole commentary.

Sadly for Motty and the lower or non league minnows, they usually end up getting beaten comfortably by a mixture of reserve and youth team players which brings their cup run to an abrupt halt.

Such is the media’s thirst for an upset that every loss by a prem side to a championship team is set upon by the papers. Manchester United’s defeat at the hands of Southend a few seasons ago is a case in point. A 1-0 win for Southend at home was a great result, but it was hardly a major shift in the football hierarchy.

It was on this day in 1992 that a proper cup upset was on the go over in Wales when Wrexham beat Arsenal 2-1 at the Racecourse Ground.

Under George Graham Arsenal were reigning league champions at the time having lost only one league game in the previous season.

Meanwhile Wrexham were absolute rock bottom of the entire football league structure, 92nd out of 92 clubs.

So it was very top against very bottom with not even Wrexham fans daring to think they could come away with anything from the knock-out tie.

The Gunners had taken the lead through Alan Smith and were still in front with only seven minutes left on the clock.

It was looking like 1-0 to the Arsenal yet again when former Man United and Chelsea player Mickey Thomas fired in a free kick to level the score.

The Wrexham fans were in dreamland already and hoping their side could hang on and secure a replay at Highbury when Steve Wadkin scored another to win the game for the Welsh team and send the Racecourse mental.

Now that’s a proper cup upset.

Wrexham went on to lose to West Ham in the next round while Arsenal put their disappointment behind them to win the FA Cup the following season.

Here are the goals that won it for Wrexham and come back tomorrow when an old OTFD favourite will be making waves in the north east.

January 3 – O’Dear O’Leary

NEVER a club to bring controversy among themselves, Leeds United could be relied upon to have a story written about them everyday here on OTFD. Today though, it’s back to 2002 and step forward the shy and retiring David O’Leary who flexed his literary muscles by publishing his subtly-titled book ‘Leeds United on Trial’.

By 2002 it was all starting to go horribly wrong for O’Leary and his ‘babies’ at Elland Road. The financial strain of Peter ‘Father Christmas’ Ridsdale’s spending was beginning to show and the trial of Lee Bowyer and Jonathan Woodgate for the assault of Sarfraz Najeib had just concluded, with Bowyer acquitted but Woodgate sentenced to 100 community service for affray. Sounds like it would have been a good time for the club to keep their head’s down and stay out of trouble.

That’s not what was going through O’Leary’s head though. Showing the financial shrewdness that bought the world the Game Boy game ‘David O’Leary Manager 2000′, he couldn’t turn down the opportunity to have his tuppence worth and pocket a tidy cash sum in the process. His £100,000 advance, plus royalties and serialisation fee saw phrases such as ‘blood money’ being branded around and O’Leary being accused by the family of Sarfraz Najeib of cashing in on the horrendous assault, despite his claims that he didn’t find out the title until he first saw the book.

O’Leary managed to grab even more headlines, as it emerged that he was late for a press conference to promote the book because he was on the phone arguing with Cardiff chairman Sam Hammam, after the two had almost come to blows days earlier following Hammam’s sideline antics in Leeds’ defeat to the Welshmen in the FA Cup.

Despite O’Leary’s gushing dedication to his boss, Peter Ridsdale was not impressed with the move. In his own book that saw the light of day last year, Publicity Pete launches into a character assassination of the Irishman, as the Elland Road blame game between the two still rumbles on to this day. Ridsdale gave O’Leary his marching orders six months later, as he claimed he had ‘lost the dressing room’ by putting the club firmly in the media spotlight at a time when they really didn’t need it.

For the record, the book is a dreadful read, so there’s no need for you to go rushing out to your nearest bookshop. O’Leary is certainly no Dostoevsky, and reading it gives you the impression that he’s written more books than he’s read. And Ridsdale’s ain’t much better either. For those reasons, we won’t leave you with a jackanory-style recital, but with Dolly’s finest moment on a football pitch and like a Dimitar Berbatov transfer rumour, we’ll be back tomorrow.

January 2 – Dyet’s Dream Debut

AFTER yesterday’s record breaking performance from Alan Shearer today’s subject managed a goal-scoring feat that even the Geordie legend cannot match.

On this day way back in 1930 Jim Dyet rattled in eight goals for his King’s Park side as they beat Forfar Athletic 12-2 in a Scottish second division match.

Dyet’s feat is all the more remarkable because he was making his debut for the club and his remains the highest scoring debut in British football history.

The high-scoring match against Forfar would prove to be the highlight in the history of King’s Park as the Stirling-based club would hear their last ever final whistle in 1941.

Not content with laying waste to most of Europe and plunging the world into a six-year long war the Nazis were also responsible for the demise of King’s Park.

In 1941 a Luftwaffe bomb landed on their Forthbank Park stadium, partially destroying it and proving to be the catalyst for the club closing down.

Before the club was wound up they did manage another dalliance with fame when they played host to various guest players during World War II including Liverpool legend Bill Shankly.

The club would go on to be succeeded in the town by Stirling Albion FC who were formed in 1945. In 1993 after 48 years of playing their home matches at the other Annfield stadium, Albion moved to a new ground named the Forthbank Stadium after the home of the town’s original club.

While they were around King’s Park were not really pulling up trees and played their entire professional life in the Scottish second division before World War II forced them to drop out of competitive football, and then out of football altogether.

And on that bombshell (sorry) we will say goodnight but don’t forget to come back tomorrow to catch the football history express calling at Memory Central and I Remember That Parkway.